4 Powerful Reasons You Need Friends

by Jessica Kastner

Sophia is the Greek word for Wisdom, and Propel Sophia seeks out the voices of truly wise women and asks them to share worked examples of how they express faith in daily life. Pull up a chair at Sophia’s table, won’t you? There’s plenty of space.

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I am a verbal processor. If something is going on in my life, every last friend, sister and obviously my hairdresser will know about it. I want empathy, advice, and mutual celebration. But we’re not all the same. Many of us have difficulty sharing our innermost thoughts, shames, and struggles, for so many different reasons.

Whether we express our experiences openly or keep things more private, we all need at least one or two people in our lives to share our concerns and even our victories, especially as Christians. Here’s why…

1. There’s Freedom In Confession

James 5:16 says, “confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.” Yes, confession is for deep, dark sins like hatred towards a co-worker or hiding your husband’s keys so he can’t go to the poker game (I repent, Lord!). But sometimes we forget that worry is also a sin that needs to be confessed. We deal with constant concern over families, our finances, and the state of our world. Psychology 101 tells us it’s harmful to keep fear, anger, sadness, etc. bottled up. But why?

When we don’t seek counsel from others, we’re left with the voice of our enemy, who whispers lies and anxiety-driven thoughts into our minds without ceasing. You deserve this. This is your cross to bear. Did you really think he would love you forever? But when sharing our feelings out loud to another… "I don’t feel secure in my marriage,” “I think I idolize alcohol,” or ”I feel like I’m angry all the time…” change can actually happen. Our friends will know how to pray for us, and we’ll have others to partner with through this season.

2. The Shackles Of Shame Are Broken

Shame has one goal: to keep us imprisoned in silence. When we’re unable to share our prayer needs, fears, worries, and struggles, we’re right where shame wants us. Alone. Censored. And stagnant. We stay powerless if we refuse to become vulnerable about our needs. I’ve struggled with so much of this, shouldering regret and shame over mistakes I’ve made in motherhood, specifically. The truth is, there’s nothing we’ve done or haven’t done that some other Christian out there hasn’t also. Even “great moms,” “perfect marriages,” and “strong Christians” struggle and fall in unbelievable ways. The enemy would love nothing more than for us to believe we’re the only Christian woman to struggle with porn, resent their step-children, regret marrying, or deal with bouts of anger and cursing. There is deep comfort in realizing we’re not alone. This doesn’t justify our struggles, but gaining a sense of communal conviction and strength helps in overcoming vices, habits and thought patterns that hinder our walk with the Lord. Don’t let self-protection or pride stop you from opening up to others.

3. Your Answers Might Be Found In Others

I’m going through a particularly difficult season that has ushered in a special mix of humility, vulnerability, and anxiety in sharing, even with my own family. It can be difficult sharing what’s really going on behind closed doors, and the gritty emotions that go with it. But we need to try, because not only does exposing our hearts bring comfort and freedom, but many times, our help, breakthroughs, and revelations reside in those we turn to. Aside from counselors and therapists, we can gain so much insight, wisdom, and encouragement from the people closest to us. It’s easy to overlook the advice of our own mothers, sisters or life group friends, but God has them there for a reason. Many times a friend has been able to recommend a helpful resource or just stopped to pray with insight and faith I don’t have at that moment. We aren’t meant to navigate life alone.

4. Talking Helps

Talking is an emotional necessity. Women are often the emotional burden-bearers at home: we often notice and care for familial issues. And so, we ourselves need space and time to talk. We need to share ideas, exonerate each other, give Godly advice, extend empathy, share in pain and victories. There’s encouragement in talking it out.

We do need to be wise about who we confide in. Godly, mature, and safe friends are treasures. Friends who point us toward Jesus and solutions. Ask God to bring a confidant into your life to journey with towards authenticity over surface level togetherness.

“A friend loves at all times,” says Proverbs 17:17. May we find—and be—those kinds of friends.

JESSICA KASTNER

Jessica Kastner is an award-winning writer and author of Hiding from the Kids in My Prayer Closet. Visit her at Jessicakastner.com for unapologetically real encouragement for women.