ON ENCOURAGEMENT: TRAINING WHEELS MADE OF WORDS
by Dianna Nepstad, as told to Bronwyn Lea
Sophia is the Greek word for Wisdom, and Propel Sophia seeks out the voices of truly wise women and asks them to share worked examples of how they express faith in daily life. Pull up a chair at Sophia’s table, won’t you? There’s plenty of space. Learn more here.
All my life, I was told I can’t. Things I couldn’t do or be or say. And then, one day, I stepped into Mr Oldham’s music class and saw a sign that said differently: THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS I CAN’T.
“Yes, you can,” he said, “You can sing. You can be a musician. You can flourish.” He opened a world of possibility to me.
Early in my faith journey, I heard about the importance of language and how words have power as we speak them into others’ lives. Mr Oldham had given me that gift of hope, and when my own girls were born, I wanted to make sure that I would give each of them that life-changing gift of encouragement. From the time they were babies, I wanted to speak encouragement and possibility over my girls, creating space for them to grow and thrive. I wanted them to know that there was no place for “I can’t, period.” Maybe they could say “I can’t… yet,” but one day, by faith, they would say “I can!”
My youngest was a shy, timid girl; hiding behind my skirt and struggling with a speech impediment. I followed the advice of those who suggested we assess whether she needed extra support and services, but I did not define her by what she couldn’t do. From a young age, I sought every opportunity to affirm to her that she could speak. I encouraged her to talk to the cashier at the grocery store and to make her requests at the library. I gave her small opportunities to practice using her voice, praising her for every effort, and assuring her I’d be right beside her to take over if she needed me to. Her limits were so obvious to her – and to others – but I wanted to keep refocusing her on what she was able to do. With each of these small interactions, she got bolder. And I kept encouraging her.
When my daughters worked something through or completed a job well, I was sure to praise them; but along the way I offered encouragement: those words needed to carve out a path for someone as they’re on a difficult journey. I saw my role of speaking life-giving words over my daughters’ gifts like being one who ventured into the forest with a machete, cutting down the bigger branches, so they could walk their own path behind me. They may not have seen the gifts and potential in their future, but the more I encouraged, and the more they tried, the more they gained confidence to step into their God-given potential and possibilities.
It is true for every woman that we need people to speak words of encouragement and opportunity over us: for my girls and for the rest of us. There are daughters of the King all throughout the Church who have heard “can’t” all their lives, and yet yearn to make a difference. Where I can, I want to come alongside these women just like I did with my girls when they were learning to ride a bicycle (or learning to speak): first with training wheels, giving lots of support and creating tiny opportunities, but slowly going for longer rides, with less support needed as they gained momentum and lost the early wobbles of starting out. Perhaps the first time I ask them to make an announcement. And then invite them to come on a ministry trip with me. And then maybe one day to lead a prayer. And, when they are fully balanced and now feeling the wind of the Spirit whip through their hair, see them stand fully assured as they teach God’s Word to a crowd.
Conversation by conversation, we use our words to build confidence. Encouragement is like training wheels to the timid one who longs to ride free. There can be no building of capacity, unless we are also building confidence. There can be no ‘calling out of gifts’ in the Body of Christ, unless we intentionally use our voices to make those calls. That young daughter of mine who once was too afraid to say her own name now leads worship and directs a team. And you know what? She’s speaking life-giving words of encouragement to those behind her, too.
