Reframing the Lies of Loneliness

by Ana Munoz

Maybe you moved to a new city far away from your tradition-filled home this year, and it’s been nearly impossible to make friends. Maybe you have a picture-perfect family, yet your marriage is falling apart and leaves you lonelier than when you are alone. Maybe you feel isolated scrolling through snapshots on Instagram of Christmas parties you weren’t invited to. Maybe you’re tired of begging God to bring the one into your life.

Loneliness isn’t simply reserved for the holiday season. It’s something we’ve ALL wrestled with in different seasons on different levels.

In whatever way loneliness is affecting your world, whether it’s you or people in your sphere of influence, here are three common lies I’ve found in the midst of feelings of loneliness, and a few truths that have helped shift my perspective.

Lie #1 | I’m the only one who feels so alone.

The double-disappointment of loneliness is that not only do we feel alone, but the separation from other people easily allows us to believe the lie that we’re the only one who feels that way.

I’m not sure what your loneliness feels like, but I do know that you’re not alone. What comforts me in the midst of loneliness, and I hope comforts you today, is that Jesus didn’t run from lonely places—He often withdrew towards lonely places to find serenity in the chaos of an over distracted world and to hear from His Father.

“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Luke 5:16

Often, the cure for loneliness is solitude—choosing to turn down the world and turn up the truth, love and voice of our almighty God. Jesus chose loneliness to be driven by God’s purpose instead of being driven by the agenda of other people. Jesus chose loneliness for unmatched intimacy with the Father. Jesus chose loneliness for nearness to the relationship that matters most—His relationship with God. God will shape you, redirect you, and craft your character through seasons of seeming isolation.

Lie # 2 | I’m going to be alone forever.

A lie that comes alongside loneliness is that it will stay that way…forever. We can easily go into a downward spiral thinking that a ‘winter wonderland’ surrounded by people just isn’t in the cards for our future. As followers of Jesus, we’re not called to be led by our circumstances—we’re called to be led by an abundant author. He doesn’t write stories of scarcity, but stories of abundance.

Me saying that you should have confidence in what God can do isn’t a counterfeit pep talk –it’s truth [Ephesians 3:20]. He’s working things out for good and what I love about the example Jesus gives us is that in the midst of the lonely places, He PRAYED. He didn’t stay in the place He was, rather He asked God to do more than He could ever imagine—and then left into epic community. When we do the same and embrace the power of prayer, we see God come through and see His goodness, glory and renown over and over again.

Lie # 3 | If other people wanted to connect, they’d reach out.

Oftentimes we assume if people wanted to hang out, they’d reach out to us and invite us to all the holiday things. But a majority of the time, people are thinking the same thing about us. Don’t spend so much time waiting on the invitation to someone else’s table that you miss the opportunity to invite someone to your table.

Inviting someone to your table isn’t always easy. You have to fight fear of rejection. You have to fight insecurity. You have to fight comfort. But the reward in reaching out is incomparable.

Maybe a next step for you is getting plugged into a small group at your church. Maybe it’s inviting a coworker to coffee. Maybe it’s rekindling an old friend group through a fun road trip. Maybe it’s praying for your future spouse and working on yourself in the meantime. Allow God to guide you in whatever the next step may be.

In the lonely places, Jesus prayed, and one of the best ways to lift up the people around us is to lift them up in prayer. I recently read A Private Litany of Humility, adapted from a prayer by Rafael, Cardinal Merry Del Val. It’s a stunning prayer to start each day thinking of ourselves less [not less of ourselves!] and lifting up the people around us.

From the desire of being praised, deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred, deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of comfort and ease, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being criticized, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being passed over, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being lonely, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being hurt, deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering, deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like yours.
O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, strengthen me with your Spirit.
O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, teach me your ways.
O Jesus, meek and humble of heart,
help me put my self-importance aside
to learn the kind of cooperation with others
that makes possible the presence of your Abba’s household. Amen.

God didn’t design us to be alone. We were made to do life with other people, and Jesus shows us this through how closely and intentionally He walked with His disciples. There’s a season for everything, so if you’re in a season of loneliness, believe that it won’t last forever and use this time to celebrate what this season is truly about – Jesus. You’re not alone. God is with you, and as you pray for Him to bring incredible people into your life, He will in His timing beyond what you could imagine on your own.

Ana Munoz

Ana Munoz is from Las Vegas, Nevada and currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia. She has previously worked for many Christian organizations such as Central Church and Catalyst Leader—an organization dedicated to empowering leaders who love the Church. She is passionate about leadership, healthy living, a good cup of coffee, and encouraging others to unleash their fullest potential of who God created them to be. You can find her on Instagram at @anaamunoz.