Science and Scripture Agree: Soul Care Isn't Selfish
by Bonnie Gray
My hair was falling out. Yes, me —the girl who grew up with thick black hair—freaked out every time I washed it, watching strands swirl the drain.
With deadlines looming, my anxiety climbed. Juggling a gazillion hats between work, ministry and motherhood, I was encourager to everyone except my own heart.
My priorities were kids, husband, ministry, and work. Me? I’ll figure that out later.
But over time, my emotional reserves, once filled with optimism, started thinning… and so did my hair. I began to suffer insomnia and anxiety attacks.
Your Body Is a Thermometer for Your Soul
Have you ever had your body tell you that you aren’t okay...no matter how often you tell yourself you’re fine? You’re not alone. We’re all under a tremendous amount of stress, and it comes at us from all different directions.
We expect ourselves to continuously pour out with little or no downtime to catch our breath. Instead of being gentle with ourselves when we’re stressed, we push ourselves harder. Don’t complain. Just keep going. We’re afraid if we stop for a moment, if we’re honest about how we’re feeling, we’ll rock the proverbial boat and capsize. If we prioritize our well-being, we fear being called selfish, needy, or lazy.
So we soldier on, numbed by stress, because we’ve learned to live with it for so long. We don’t want to fall behind, fall short, or disappoint anyone.
Like me, many women lie awake at night, exhausted but unable to stop worrying. Studies back this up: women suffer from this kind of burnout more than men! We’re so busy taking care of everyone else, we forget our wellbeing. But God cares about you. How you feel matters to God.
Debunking Myths about Soul Care
We can’t keep pouring out if we don’t make space for God to replenish our emotional reserves.
As women of faith, we’re propelled with passion to serve God and His people. But we’ve also picked up toxic myths about faith and wellness.
Let me debunk a common myth women tell me in my work as a soul care coach, drawing from my 10 year journey to heal from stress, anxiety, and depression:
Soul care is not selfish or unspiritual.
Soul care is the practice of letting God nourish our bodies and emotions the way he intended when he designed our nervous system and well-being. It is tending the garden of your soul so you can blossom into the woman God created you to be.
Soul care is based on Jesus’ invitation in Matthew 11:28-29:
“Come to me those who are weary and heavy-burdened…And you will find rest for your souls.”
Notice the action: “find rest for your soul.” Soul care isn’t selfish. It’s a spiritual act of faith to believe you’re worthy of rest.
Soul care helps you release more of God’s love, peace, and joy to others because you’re not tapped out. It’s like the instructions to put your oxygen mask on when you fly. Put on your oxygen mask first, before helping your children.
Emotional Wellness and the Brain
Do you often pay attention to the feelings of others but easily neglect your own? If you feel responsible to pick up the pieces if something goes wrong in the lives of your family, ministry or friends, you might be overly responsible.
Being overly responsible causes burnout because there’s no room for you to release or process your negative emotions.
Science backs this up. When we hide our emotions, it triggers the stress hormone cortisol, making us feel anxious, ruminate, and worry.
Here’s the myth: We try to feel better by thinking our way out of stress.
The truth: We have to nurture our way out to relieve stress.
Thinking increases anxiety! Let me explain. There are two types of anxiety: left brain and right brain anxiety.
The left brain is where we problem solve—it’s the logic part of our brain where we experience anxiety called anxious apprehension. Here, we hyperfocus to solve problems and worries, resulting in overthinking.
The right brain is called the “emotional” part of our brain—the feeling part where we experience fear, sadness, or panic, called anxious arousal. The right brain is also where we enjoy creative hobbies: lighting up our auditory sense when we enjoy music, visual sense with art, or tactile sense, using our hands to knit, garden, or play an instrument.
Guess which part of the brain—right or left—is proven by studies to lower anxiety and lift depression?
It’s the right brain that activates your body’s God-designed relaxation response!
That is why soul care includes finding things we enjoy doing with our hands. Research shows activities using your hands stops negative rumination. It’s called finding your flow.
So, don’t beat yourself up when you find yourself worrying or feeling negative. It’s just time to do something relaxing that brings you peace and joy!
Scripture supports the science: “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
Be still. The Hebrew word for this command is raphah, which literally means “to loosen your grip” or “relax”.
Know. The Hebrew word is yada, conveying knowledge from “a personal experience.”
“Be still and know” doesn’t mean doing nothing. Rather, being still means doing whatever helps you to relax to personally experience God’s peace and joy.
Relaxing is not time wasted. Soul care is practicing spiritual intimacy with God. Feeling emotionally depleted isn’t a sign your faith is weak. In fact, healing your emotions may be the most powerful act of faith God is calling you to today.
bonnie gray
Bonnie Gray is a Soul Care coach and author of her new book “Breathe: 21 Days to Stress Less & Transform Chaos to Calm” and three books on rest and wellness. As a speaker, podcast host of The Breathe Podcast, Bonnie is a trusted voice guiding women to detox stress and flourish in wellness with Jesus. Take her Soul Care Quiz at soulcarequiz.com to learn what area of wellness you are missing and visit her at thebonniegray.com/books or on Facebook and Instagram.
