Single in a Paired-Up Church
by Alisha Plummer
Sophia is the Greek word for Wisdom, and Propel Sophia seeks out the voices of truly wise women and asks them to share worked examples of how they express faith in daily life. Pull up a chair at Sophia’s table, won’t you? There’s plenty of space.
LEARN MORE HERE ▸
Married with four kids. Married with six kids. Married with two kids. I glanced around the circle – the only single woman and, as I thought about it, also the only one without children. Yet, I smiled. This was the first time I was invited to such a group. The first time I felt comfortable in one. But it was also the first time that I would have come even if I had felt uncomfortable or hadn’t been invited, and that’s why I really smiled.
An A-Ha Moment: Singleness is Not God’s Plan B
Whether you are married or single, I hope you have had a moment like mine. An instant where you realize God has placed you where He wants you and are confident He has designed your life for His glory. Even with our mistakes, our limitations, and our doubts, our Savior knows precisely what He is doing and is trustworthy to do it. This Sunday School class was my moment.
For over a decade I had struggled. I knew I belonged in church – God’s Word was clear on that. But where?
Some blessed people get to skip life’s “awkward phases” where you stand out like a yellow rubber glove at a masquerade ball. But I think most of us get to experience the feeling of really not fitting in at least a few times during our lives.
Mind the Gap: Finding Community When None of the Categories Fit
For me, this phase was most intense after college. I wasn’t invited to join the women, so I went to the young adults Bible studies. But I wasn’t that young anymore. My life experience was far different than the just-out-of-high-school crowd and vastly different from the leaders who were married with small children. Thus, for several years, though I faithfully attended church and events, and even helped family members with things they had volunteered for, I felt completely isolated in my pew chair.
And no one really knew.
Perhaps you can relate. (Or better yet, maybe you can’t.) At the time I thought it was 80–90 percent our church’s fault. They hadn’t invited the single women into their women’s ministry. They hadn’t worked to include us in the life of the church. They failed to reach out to those without families. They neglected to ask singles to serve.
But, God challenged me: What was my responsibility?
Yes, I was called to faithfully attend, but also to love and encourage others in faith and service (Hebrews 10:25). If I was feeling left out or glossed over, someone else was too – I should reach out to them. If I was not invited, others were not either – I should invite them. If no one ever asked me to serve, perhaps no one asked her to serve either – so I should.
A New Single-Minded Focus
As Christ-followers, our attitude is to be “you first” (Philippians 2:3–4, Romans 12:10). This is especially true within the Church. The Church does not exist to serve us but rather for us to serve God and others as a united body. When we don’t engage in our local church, we lose. We miss out on the comfort and encouragement of godly friendships with saints of different ages. We make ourselves more vulnerable to temptation, discouragement, and apathy. We squander opportunities to fulfill God’s purposes in our lives. And most importantly we stiff-arm God, who has chosen to work through the Church as His body (Ephesians 1:22–23).
It’s easy to hide behind “it’s the church’s fault”. But even if that is true (and sometimes it is), we can only address our shortcomings. When we consciously insert ourselves into Christ’s Church—in our communities, on our military bases, or in the mission field—we are presenting ourselves to God as living stones to build up a holy temple to the Lord (Ephesians 2:19–22).
That is what you and I are striving for today and every day until Christ returns. At the end of time, our sacrifice and service (Philippians 2:17) is what we will lay before the throne of heaven. May we be able to say, like the servant did in the parable of the talents in Matthew 25, “Master, You gave these gifts, and now, my Lord, I return them to You doubled.”
DIANE SAMBDMAN
Alisha Plummer is an emergency department physician assistant and serves Christ, her Church and community through disaster relief and Awana. She is the author of Confessions of a Christian Spinster, from which this article is adapted. A native New Mexican, she enjoys hiking, rafting, and caving with her family and friends. Connect with Alisha at pandorasporch.com, on Facebook, or on Instagram.
