Slow Progress In An Instant Age
I’ve been on a health journey since April 12, 2016.
I know the exact date because I opened my laptop that evening and recorded a video of myself talking. It’s a lot of me whining, being somber to the camera, about how I wished I could claim my health back.
I’m not particularly unhealthy. I like clean meals. I’ve always managed to work out consistently. In the last few years it has been harder to stay on track. It’s easier to eat at 10pm when work is finally over and you get a chance to relax. It’s easier to skip a workout because you’re too tired or you can “do it tomorrow.” It’s easier to grab french fries and then script a funny, little tweet about your french fries than to buy groceries and a make a healthy meal.
I’ve started, failed, and restarted this health journey so many times that starting again seemed impossible to me. I didn’t even want to try.
On April 12, my fiancé Lane took me into the gym. He had a workout planned and he pushed me through it. I did not go through the motions of that workout without causing Lane great pain and agony. I cried. I whimpered. I begged him to let me give up about a thousand times. He dealt with my whining, my anger, my frustrated self.
Every exercise felt more painful than the next. I was pushing against myself and could feel this tangible resistance bundled up inside of me like the cords of the straightener and the curling iron getting tangled in an impossible knot. He kept pushing and cheering me on.
“You wrote about mile 19 today,” he said to me. “How you showed up for Brooke at mile 19.”
I’d written about showing up for my friend Brooke while she was training for a marathon. During her 20-mile run, in the middle of her training, I promised to meet her at mile 19 and run the last mile with her.
“Push harder,” Lane said to me as we transitioned into mountain climbers on the yoga mat. “This isn’t your mile 19. This is your mile 1.”
I was vividly frustrated. Tears were still coming and I could not control them. I didn’t want to be at mile 1. No one wants to be at mile 1. Mile 1 feels like an eternity; it feels like you are never going to finish mile 1. Nothing about the beginning of a journey feels sexy. There’s nothing to boast over. There’s no testimony post for social media about mile 1.
“Mile 1,” he keeps saying as we lift and row and lunge. “Mile 1. You’re at mile 1.”
It doesn’t even feel sexy to write about mile 1. I feel like I need more adjectives to make this article better than it is. I still feel like I am at the beginning of the journey, though I am technically over a month in. I see little bits of progress but my emotions are still up and down, up and down.
I’m learning progress doesn’t show up overnight. Progress looks like learning to mince garlic and sub out sour cream for greek yogurt. Progress looks like those peanut butter energy balls you pinned last week turning crumbly and inconsistent. Progress looks like mornings where you don’t feel like getting to the workout class because you’re already imagining 55 minutes of torture.
4 things to remember about progress:
1. It’s slow.
And that’s okay! The culture we live in is a big-time preacher when it comes to things happening “instantly” and in “5 easy steps.” It’s hard to even graze through a Women’s Health Magazine because everything is supposed to happen for you in 2 weeks or less. Sometimes progress is slow and we can trust that God is building out things— more eternal things— in the monotony of daily steps. Enjoy the road you’re on. Don’t give up on mile 1.
2. You’re not alone.
Surrounding yourself with other people who can build you up and make you stronger is key. Accountability is key when it comes to making progress and challenging yourself. You need people to go long and hard towards something you want. There is community out there for you, even if it is just one person.
3. Writing it down helps.
I have started keeping notes of my progress since April 12. I don’t do it everyday. It doesn’t always have to be notes on what I ate or how I performed in barre class. When you take note of your progress, it is easier to identify the results. Results will keep you moving.
4. It’s a lifestyle change (and that takes time).
My initial motivation to get healthy was so that I didn’t feel overly insecure sitting in a bathing suit on a beach in Punta Cana for my best friend’s wedding. That was the spark but that quickly fell into the background when I realized I wanted this thing to last. I had to find something more to anchor myself into progress if I wanted this to be a lifestyle shift, not a 50-day goal.
I had to choose to funnel my goals through the eyes of God and ask myself the questions: Why does God want me healthy? What does the bible say about health? Bringing God into the conversation helps me to discover strength I cannot muster up on my own and stay motivated.
As 2017 draws closer, my prayer for you is that you bring God into your goals and the process. He will meet you there. The first mile means you’re starting. You’re beginning. Something is about to change. It’s going to be so good.
Hannah Brencher
Hannah Brencher founded the global organization More Love Letters in 2011 and cofounded If You Find This Email in 2015. Her memoir “If You Find This Letter” is now in bookstores across the country. Connect with her on Twitter.
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