The Other Side Of Surrender
My name is Taylor Madu. I am 28 years old, born and raised in the good old South--El Dorado, Arkansas.
I am the youngest of three and my mother was a full-time, stay at home Mom. Not only was she a full-time mom, she was super woman in my eyes. There wasn’t anything she couldn’t do. My father was and is currently a full-time evangelist, traveling the world, spreading the love of Jesus.
We shared our Dad with the world, but when he came home from the road, it was all fun: sports, four-wheeling, wrestling, the list goes on. Up until the age of seven, life was what I like to call “perfect.” I didn’t have a care in the world.
It was as if in one moment, in the blink of an eye, life went from perfection to pain.
My mother sat me down, and told me the words that I will never forget. “Your father and I are getting a divorce.” I knew divorce was “bad,” but I didn’t really understand the full extent of it until I had to walk out the journey for myself.
Life was never the same from that moment on.
There were three specific and pivotal moments in my life where I can look back and see how the enemy tried to wipe me out. The divorce was the first of many.
Life continued, I grew older, and the voids grew deeper. I found myself searching for stability, searching for peace--a place where my heart could find rest. The bickering, the physical fighting, feeling torn between which parent to please, the painful words spoken, the split holidays, cops, testifying in court. Oh, how my heart yearned for the days before I ever knew what true heartbreak felt like.
Those days were long gone.
My siblings and I all handled the situation differently, however, the one thing we had in common was that we yearned for stability. In the midst of the chaos and dysfunction, we clung to each other. It felt like we were all we had.
When we found out one of our siblings was abused by a close friend of the family, we were all devastated. Another hit, and there was nothing more painful than to watch someone you love shattered before your eyes.
From there, my mom suffered an emotional breakdown. I had always thought she was unstoppable, unbreakable, but life contradicted my little naïve mind.
Why do bad things happen to good people? This question is one that constantly resounded in my head.
We loved God.
We were faithfully in church Sunday after Sunday, week after week.
My father was a preacher.
We lived and breathed ministry, yet dysfunction was constantly knocking at our door.
At age 15, I got into a relationship. As I previously mentioned, I longed for stability. I felt so lost, and the voids multiplied, and deepened. A boy could fill the voids and fix me, right?
Eventually, I lost my virginity, losing myself in more dysfunction, creating more holes within my heart, leaving more desperation and brokenness.He was in and out of my life, and I was willing to do anything and everything just for him to stay.
Three years later, the lying, the cheating, the emotional abuse, he could do no wrong. No matter what he did, I wasn’t going to leave. My heart could not bear losing one more thing that I loved. I knew that I needed to escape, but after finding out I was pregnant with his child, at age 17, I felt trapped.
How did I get here?
I loved Jesus. I was faithfully in church. I could check off all of the church “to-do’s”, yet I was still so empty and broken.
Seven months passed and I was determined to offer a better life for my baby boy. It was Christmas Eve of 2005 and I was rushed to the hospital to give birth. Yes it was two months prior to my due date, but my body was saying “it's time!”
Closing my eyes, as the medication entered through the IV, my c-section began. I remember being scared out of my mind, but so excited at the thought of waking up to my precious baby in my arms.
I felt like I had lost so much at this point in my life. I had seen things fall apart. I watched people hurt others, and walk away. I had messed up and made many mistakes myself, but my child wasn’t the mistake, he was a gift from God. My baby, my joy, no one could take him away. I would never walk out of his life. I would always be there no matter what. It was us against the world.
Surgery quickly passed. I woke up to both of my parents sitting beside me, tears flowing from their eyes. Confused by the grief that was revealed through their eyes. I didn’t understand what was happening.
I asked, “Where is Micah?” The words pierced my heart like a knife.
“He didn’t make it, Taylor. He didn’t survive.”
I felt like I was going to pass out. The grief overtook my whole being. I moaned. I wept. I hit rock bottom.
For three days I lied in the hospital bed, empty, completely shattered, and lost. How did I get to this point in my life? The enemy had a plan to wipe me out, and it all started at age 7, with the divorce.
One thing led to the next, and years later, I had come to my personal valley of the shadow of death. I could have stayed there, and died there, but I knew I HAD to GET UP. I could not allow the circumstances of my past to define me. I had to align my life with the word of God and fight like never before.
I had heard about this Savior my whole life. I thought I knew him. But it was in the valley that I truly found Him, and began to truly understand Him. He became tangible, undeniable. He had promised to make all things new. I knew He was able, but I had to be willing.
I chose to get up and allowed him to lead me on the journey of healing and restoration. It didn’t happen overnight. It was a process, but a beautiful process.
I learned God for myself. No one could’ve taught me what I learned having to actually walk through the valley. I promised the Lord that I would never let this part of my life go to waste. God is a God who gives beauty for ashes. My life is a testimony of that, and the world needed to hear it.
I eventually moved to Dallas, TX and attended Christ for the Nations. I started a new life, and never looked back.
Dallas is where I met my husband, Robert Madu, and God has given us two beautiful babies. Robert is a full time evangelist. So sometimes we travel together as a family or other times I am a stay at home mom who is obsessed with her children.
It is such a joy to have the honor and privilege to simply tell the world of the greatest love I have ever known, Jesus Christ. And, we get to do it together, as a family! We are a team!
It is amazing to see when you surrender the details of your life to the Lord, how He will exceed every expectation.
He not only rescued me from myself, but he is now using my story to bring hope and life to others. I had promised Him that my situation would not go to waste, or be in vain. I would tell the world of his amazing grace, power, and love.
It is the most beautiful thing to watch how God uses our failures and our scars, to bring healing and freedom to others. He truly is a God that makes all things new.
In 2015, I released my first single, “You Are Life.” This song was inspired from the journey of my past, to my current walk of freedom.
Which now leads me to Hope Mansion.
Hope Mansion exists to break the chain of generational poverty and hopelessness by providing women in crisis pregnancy a loving, structured, residential environment, as well as the necessary time, resources, and support for them and their babies to become productive, well-balanced citizens.
Hope Mansion uniquely addresses the despair and hopelessness of a woman in crisis. And it is here that she will find a safe place where she can decide what is best for her and her baby.
My heart immediately connected with this home. I was once in these ladies shoes, and I wanted to give back and serve in any way that I could.
God gave me an idea to release the single, “You are Life”, and give 100% of the proceeds to Hope Mansion. This was my opportunity to sow seed back into ground where I once stood.
The greatest part is that it was never about me but more importantly about God’s story of redemption being heard.
His praise will ever be on my lips. I will never be able to thank Him enough for what He has done in my life. My heart’s desire is to always point people back to the One who saved my soul. It was Jesus, is Jesus, and will always be Jesus. To God be the glory!
Taylor Madu
Taylor was born and raised in Arkansas. At age 18 she moved to Dallas, Texas and met her husband, Robert Madu, and began her journey of not only becoming a wife, but also, her journey of motherhood. Taylor also leads worship. She released her first single, “You are Life,’ in 2014, 100% of the proceeds goes to support Hope Mansion. Taylor is a lover of life and her ultimate goal is loving people back to the source of life, Jesus Christ. You can connect with Taylor on her website.
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