The Surprising Wisdom of Forgiveness
by Trisha Davis
Sophia is the Greek word for Wisdom, and Propel Sophia seeks out the voices of truly wise women and asks them to share worked examples of how they express faith in daily life. Pull up a chair at Sophia’s table, won’t you? There’s plenty of space. Learn more here.
Have you ever been in a season of immense joy tangled with unexpected grief? Where mountain top highs are bookended by valley lows? Where relationships that were once easy, become hard?
My husband and I have been married and in ministry for 23 years. We’ve been through so much together. But the season we’re currently living in has been one for the books. I’m affectionately referring to it as the Crazy Train.
Within the past eighteen months, we’ve launched a church; our first born got engaged; our second born graduated from high school, and our youngest grew six inches (Isaiah is 6’7” at age 15). Oh… AND WE ADOPTED.
In between Micah’s engagement and Elijah’s graduation, we received an email from an adoption agency asking if we would be interested in adopting. Three weeks after receiving that email, our son Jailyn (9) and daughter Janiayh (7) were adopted into our family.
Our home felt like a revolving door. Our Bigs moved in-and-out between college breaks, as our adopted Littles moved into their new home and new life. Our new family felt as beautiful as it did complicated. We were not prepared for how the highs and lows of our adopted kids’ trauma would change our family dynamics. We weren’t prepared to send another son off to college. We weren’t ready to marry-off our oldest son.
Like I said… Crazy Train.
Have you ever been on the crazy train? Where you are desperately trying to manage it all? Maybe it’s your job. You got the promotion you always dreamed of, but its requiring more than you have to give. Maybe it’s the birth of the child for which you have prayed, and although your baby is perfect in every way, motherhood is embarrassingly hard for you. Maybe your faithful friend has turned out to not be so faithful.
In the chaos of grief-laced joy, there’s a temptation to keep pursuing the illusion of having it all together. We lean on our own judgment and discernmen,t confusing striving with faithfulness. We strive to do better, be better, only to have our pursuit of perfection lead us down a path of bitterness, resentment, hiddenness and shame.
Proverbs 8:11 says: "For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it. I, Wisdom, live together with good judgment. I know where to discover knowledge and discernment."
In other words, you DON’T have to figure it all out. God is the source of wisdom, knowledge and discernment. God doesn’t long for your striving, He longs for your heart.
In the midst of our Crazy Train season, wisdom was not living anywhere near good judgment. Knowledge and discernment were in short supply. And then the moment happened. You know that moment when you act a fool and wisdom is so far out of view, you continue to dig deeper and deeper into your hole?
My son Micah and I were driving to an event I was speaking at in Michigan. He had been my roadie numerous times before, but this trip felt special. It was our last trip together, just the two of us, before he got married.
Thirty minutes into our four hour trip, we got into the biggest fight in the history of our relationship. It was ugly. Our eighteen-months of crazy caught up with us and it all came spilling out. Voices were raised, unkind words were spoken, and the silent treatment given. Neither one of us were going to budge. Wisdom didn’t live anywhere near this train wreck.
I couldn’t strive my way out of it. Bitterness and resentment had already taken root. I began to pray and beg God to heal the wounds we had inflicted on each other. And wisdom came in the form of one word… FORGIVE.
Colossians 3:13 says: "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
There is something powerful that happens in a relationship when you are given the permission to fail and still be offered forgiveness. Forgiveness is the ticket off the crazy train. It's where you find your footing on solid ground - ground that is level at the foot of the cross. It’s where we are reminded that we all fall short, regardless if we’re on the mountain or in the valley. Because while we were still sinners Christ died for us.
Forgiveness has the power to resurrect what bitterness tries to destroy. It makes the mountain a place of wise perspective to see the full picture of how God brought you out of the valley. Forgiveness doesn’t always restore a relationship, but it will always heal your heart. A heart lavishly loved by a wise, forgiving, loving God.
Trisha Davis
Trisha is a wife, mom and Co-founder of Hope City Church and RefineUs Ministries. She is the co-author of Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn’t Good Enough. Sharing her own story of loss and redemption she longs to ignite a movement to build healthy marriages, families and churches. She passionately loves God and loves people. It is that love that compels her to speak with honesty and transparency and call others to an extraordinary life. Connect with Trisha on Instagram and Facebook!
