Two Pieces of Wisdom on that Itsy-Bitsy Bikini Issue

by Alli Patterson & Bronwyn Lea

Sophia is the Greek word for Wisdom, and Propel Sophia seeks out the voices of truly wise women and asks them to share worked examples of how they express faith in daily life. Pull up a chair at Sophia’s table, won’t you? There’s plenty of space. Learn more here.

Editor’s note: Propel Sophia tackles the nitty gritty issues we face as Christian women trying to apply God’s word to the various questions we have about his world. So often, there isn’t a clear “right” answer, and wisdom invites us to prayerfully, thoughtfully discern what’s right in that situation. Sometimes, this will mean faithful, biblical Christians come to different conclusions on things. Bikinis are one of those topics. In this special two-piece post (<== see what we did there?), we hope to model how wisdom can learn from other believers’ faithful process, even if we disagree on the conclusions.

“Why we opted to be a no-bikini house”

Alli Patterson

I used to wear bikinis. Until I had a six-year-old daughter who asked to wear one. She picked up (an adorable) bikini: “I want to look like you, mommy.” I told her no. I left the store wondering about my discomfort and double-standard. Something was stopping me. It was a tug at the back of my mind, suggesting that “because I’m an adult and you’re a kid” just wasn’t a good enough answer here.

...if you call out for insight

   and cry aloud for understanding,

4 and if you look for it as for silver

   and search for it as for hidden treasure,

5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord

   and find the knowledge of God.

6 For the Lord gives wisdom;

   from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 2:3-6

The first thing I examined was the protective instinct I had in the store. My daughter doesn’t understand how our culture looks at women. I do. I thought about how bikinis (and some other types of suits too) are undeniably designed for sex appeal; drawing attention to our breasts, waists, booties, stomach, and thighs. I kept imagining the eyes of people at the pool looking at my girls, sexualizing their bodies. Our culture says this is normal, even high praise, but I don’t agree.  I know the sexual attention on their bodies will grow exponentially from 8 to 28, and I wondered if putting my young daughter in a bikini might just be my silent agreement with this. Even if it wasn’t my intention, it would be the result. Wisdom sees the landscape; goes beyond what’s permissible, and considers what is helpful and beneficial for every person involved.

Next I recalled the annual ritual of “bathing suit season” when I head into the dressing room with stacks of suits, texting dressing-room-selfies to my best friend, searching for ways to cover certain parts of me. My daughter will be inundated with advertising and cultural communication that tells her to criticize and minimize her body. A bikini is the test of whether women’s bodies are good enough, and I don’t want her taking that test the way I did in seventh grade with my red and white monokini. I pray and work hard to lay a foundation for a healthy self-image. But if wearing a tankini or a one-piece with a little extra coverage (and some ruching!) gives us the freedom to play and jump and swim, then I say yes to that. Should we feel this way about our bodies? No. But maybe wisdom deals with the reality instead of hiding behind the “shoulds.”

On both these issues, wisdom kept whispering in my ear “start as you mean to go on.” I need to do with my young daughter at 6 what would turn out to be good for her at 16. I needed to train her how to think about her body differently in a culture that already has a point of view. Ok, so no bikinis for her. That was my decision.

Next I had to figure out how to tell her why mommy could still wear a bikini! I didn’t want to give mine up too, but I couldn’t think of one reason why not. Slowly I saw that I’d been participating in the same culture that I didn’t want for her. Turns out what’s good for daughters at 6 is good for moms at 36. Ok, so no bikinis for any of us…. Until a year ago, that is.

We got a hot tub for our back patio. After they asked, we’ve allowed our girls to wear bikinis in the hot tub if it’s just family around. We can create the culture in our backyard (unlike our beaches and pools), so it’s a place where flaws are the norm and respect is given. This exception reinforced the “whys” of our decision and helped us train our kids to evaluate cultural gray areas. Wisdom rarely deals with uncertainty through hard and fast rules. Ultimately what we are after is happy, healthy kids who are experts in using the weapon of Wisdom to navigate far more than bathing suits.  

“I used to be anti-bikini. This is why I’ve changed my mind.”

Bronwyn Lea

I was always the kid on the beach wearing the giant, over-sized T-shirt while everyone else flitted about in bikinis. This was not so much a decision about modesty and sexiness, it was a practical one: I’m fair-skinned, genetically predisposed to things that keep dermatologists in business, and grew up in the sun-drenched skies of South Africa. Some of my earliest childhood memories involve sunscreen, hats, and that giant T-shirt which shielded me from the sun, prying eyes, and any further thinking on the topic.

Later, when I began swimming indoors, the T-shirt wasn’t needed, but I still opted for a one-piece. After all, there had been that one time when I dived into a pool and the water managed to whoosh my bikini bottom all the way to my ankles before I came up for air, blushing furiously all the way. One pieces are *safer* in So. Many. Ways.

But I bristled years later when I found myself at a pool which had rules FORBIDDING any two-piece swimsuits for women, and it made me pause. The rules (for a youth summer camp) had a shaming ring to them: girls were only welcome in one-pieces. For the sake of young mens’ eyes, they needed to cover up. At its heart, it seemed to be siding with an age-old trope: that a woman’s acceptability and welcome depends on how she presents her body.

The sexualization and objectification of women has a dark, long history; and I (along with most other moms!) want to protect my daughter from it. But something didn’t sit right with me about the “solution” to the problem being toted as “women, adjust yourselves accordingly.” Women shouldn’t bear the brunt of fixing culture: men and women are both called to be conforming ourselves not outwardly, but inwardly to have the character of Christ (Romans 12:1). But was I just being ornery? Or an angry feminist? I mean.. I didn’t even want to wear a bikini, so why was I so upset? What about the ‘weaker brother’ argument (Romans 14)? I took the matter to prayer and trusted other believers.

I had a couple complaints about the no-bikini rule:

• Rules have some value in constraining bad behavior, but they don’t change the heart. We want men and women who value modesty, and self-respect: cultivating those values calls for more than just having women cover up. And worse yet, insisting women cover up could communicate tacit agreement with the idea that women’s bodies are shameful.

• It’s not about bikinis. I know plenty of men (and women!) who lust over women in one-pieces. The issue isn’t so much with how women look. It’s how they’re being looked at.

• Combatting the sexualization and oppression of women isn’t just about how much skin is shown. In parts of the world, it’s scandalous to show an ankle! And 100 years ago, our most “modest” bathing suits of today would have caused heart attacks! Cultural norms are a major factor here, both for men and for women. We were shocked in France a couple years ago to discover that our sons’ Bermuda shorts were not permitted at the public swimming pool, and had to buy speedos from the vending machine!

• One-piece swimsuits have some significant practical drawbacks for women. As someone who’s had to breastfeed and potty train children through hot summers by the pool, the advantages of not having to completely disrobe to get to a bathroom in time are significant. Swimming is about having fun in the water, not about how we look when we’re near the water. If it’s safer, more comfortable, or more convenient to wear a two-piece, why not?

And so I find myself, as someone who has *never* had a “bikini body” or wanted to be in that realm, in the unlikely position of defending bikinis, both for myself and for my children. I want my daughter and my sons to have freedom even as they practice self-care, self-respect, and respect for community in considering how they dress. I want them to wear sunscreen (and preferably rash guards). I want them have clothing that is comfortable and appropriate for their activities. I want them to dress as if they respect themselves, and to practice showing respect for everybody else around them.

At a public pool, it isn’t appropriate to swim naked, nor in a dress with 20 layers of petticoats. But between those extremes - I’m okay with them choosing anything from a speedo for the boys, a bikini for the girls, to a full on wetsuit. And then wearing it with joy, self-respect, and freedom.

Editor’s note: Hebrews 5:14 tells us that one of the marks of maturity is discernment, an attribute which can be “trained by constant use” to discern evil from good. Even though these two authors have come to different conclusions, we hope you notice some similarities in approach: 1) Our past affects the way we approach issues. It’s good to be aware of our own backstory as we engage with tricky issues. 2) Understanding the culture we’re in is an important aspect of figuring out a wise decision. Wisdom knows how to read a room. 3) Both women questioned and rejected “hard and fast rules” as the way to wisdom. With the word of God in one hand, and the Spirit of God in us, let’s commit ourselves to continuing our training in discernment, Hebrews 5-style.

Alli Patterson

Alli Patterson is a Teaching Pastor at Crossroads Church, out of Cincinnati, Ohio. She is also a writer and host of a podcast called IKR?! (“I Know, Right?!”). Alli loves her husband and four amazing kids more than anything in the world (besides Jesus). She enjoys running, kickboxing, reading and baking to keep her sane while working on her masters degree at Dallas Theological seminary. Her passion is learning and communicating the Word of God to speak its hope and life into others. Follow her on Instagram or join her community of listeners.

 
Bronwyn Lea

Bronwyn Lea is an author, speaker, activist, and the editorial curator for Propel Sophia. She loves Jesus, puns, her home country of South Africa, her adopted country of the US, her endlessly patient husband, her three goofy kids, wisdom and justice, seeing women thrive in the Kingdom, and quality ice-cream (in no particular order). She sends out a monthly newsletter with a few of her favorite things, and connects on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.