When you’re wondering whether to say 'yes' or 'no'
by Jen Pollock Michel
Sophia is the Greek word for Wisdom, and Propel Sophia seeks out the voices of truly wise women and asks them to share worked examples of how they express faith in daily life. Pull up a chair at Sophia’s table, won’t you? There’s plenty of space. Learn more here.
Tis the season for candles and school concerts, crowded shopping malls and (incomplete) grocery lists. Braved with intentionality, December concedes few holy moments for considering the birth of God. Still, the holy moments are fewer than we wish—the hassles, despite our planning and preparation, more frequent. December dumps us into January with exhausted resolutions to abandon franticness.
I, for one, fall for the promise of a new planner at the beginning of every new year. And yet, I’m also convinced there has to be a deeper wisdom than simply conserving a minute to gain an hour. Time management systems won’t solve the scarcity of time, which lies at the heart of Jesus’s prohibition against worrying after tomorrow (Matt. 6:27). God promises more to his people than principles of efficiency.
We don’t ever get more time. But we can get better at discerning the yeses and noes that enable us to pour ourselves, undiluted, into the callings that God has given to us. Here are some questions I’ve been asking myself when considering how to spend my days, each requiring a commitment to discern the unique shape of my life and the particular obedience set before me.
Questions about commitment:
1. Am I clear about the nature of this responsibility?
Asking good questions can often illuminate the hidden costs of a commitment. Is there administrative work? Emotional burden? Inflexibility to assume into my schedule? Trying to identify the costs of a commitment can help us address our starry-eyed naivete before saying yes.
2. Does this represent a unique opportunity for learning and growth?
It’s easy to accept commitments that require familiar skills—harder to accept commitments that ask us to risk on what we can’t yet do or don’t yet know. In order to keep growing, we have to put ourselves into positions that stretch our abilities, which is why invitations that present opportunities for learning can be the most valuable ones.
3. How much time will this require?
This seems an obvious question, but until we quantify the time required for a commitment, stacked against the time already committed to other people and projects, we can’t rightfully assess whether it’s reasonable to say yes.
Questions about Calling:
1. Am I uniquely gifted to do this?
Competence isn’t the same thing as calling. (Paradoxically, calling isn’t the same thing as competence. Just ask Moses.) Being good at something isn’t necessarily God’s green light. Instead, we should seek to discern what unique good we might offer to the world.
2. What will this cost my family and the rhythms of my household?
As a wife and mother, if my “yes” unduly burdens my family, it’s probably not my “yes” to say, no matter how enthusiastic I feel about the invitation. We should beware the seduction of doing big things for God to the neglect of smaller tasks of faithfulness—even the chore of stocking the fridge.
3. What will this cost my investment in my local church?
The Bible makes clear that our primary calling is a corporate one. When I lose connection to the Body, I inevitably lose connection to the Head. We should try, as best we can, to prioritize weekly fellowship and worship with local believers.
Questions about Capacity:
1. Does this allow me the margin of time required for self-care (eating well, sleeping, exercising)?
It’s not selfish to prioritize the care of our bodies, which Jesus demonstrated a commitment to. God is not glorified by our exhaustion. Furthermore, caring for our bodies allows us to age better, which, God willing, extends our ability to participate in his kingdom.
2. Does this allow me adequate time for hidden spiritual disciplines?
John 15 reminds us that a fruitful life is an abiding life. We don’t do great things for God because we manage our time well and work hard. The measure of the fruitful life is regular, nourishing connection to Christ.
3. If I do not seem to have capacity to say ‘yes’ to this, am I convinced that God is promising to multiply my meagre loaves and fishes?
God’s calculus isn’t our math. Often God calls us to follow him into commitments for which we feel inadequate: we lack the time, the energy, the know-how, even the desire. Nevertheless, God’s calling has a persistent ring to it. If there’s an idea you just can’t shake, you might want to see if God is around the corner.
No kingdom calling is one-size-fits all, which is why the process of discerning our yeses and noes can sometimes feel harrowing. But the good news is this: God never intends that we miss it.
Jen Pollock Michel
Jen Pollock Michel is the author of Surprised by Paradox, which releases in May 2019.
